Dream(s) on the night of 1/1/08

So I had 3 separate dreams last night. It was like a triple feature cinema. Well I’m going to write about each in separately. Kinda in the way of their own entry.

Dream 1
You know the place where you’re half awake and half asleep. Kinda in the dream state but just a feet shy from crossing the border. That’s where I was earlier in the night. I was awake just trying to get to sleep. That’s when I heard some sounds coming from my wall. I looked at it wondering if it was the wind. That’s probably when I fell asleep because next thing I knew, my vertical blinds were moving and I couldn’t move. My eyes were open because they were still processing information. I saw the shadows and I had to rationalize why I couldn’t move. I thought that I couldn’t move because someone was holding me down. I began to think that a person came through my window or that my uncle came into my room to hold me down. Whatever was happening I just knew something wasn’t right.

What wasn’t right was that I was stuck between the inside of my mind and the real world. My arms wouldn’t move. I also tried to talk to the specter that I thought was holding me down but my vocal cords were not working. I was paralyzed. I wondered if that is what it’s like to be in a coma, seeing what’s around me but not knowing what’s going on. But then I finally became immersed into the dream and I was finally able to move. But the movement was odd.

It was weightlessness but not quite. There was still gravity. I guess it was like being underwater without the resistance of the water. Every movement I made continued until it was met with resistance. I was rolling on the ground, flying around my bed and my arms and legs were hitting the walls and floor. I didn’t feel pain so I was still confused as to what was happening to me. I was still fighting to get free. I didn’t submit to the dream and I was trying to get control over myself. Before I couldn’t move then I couldn’t stop moving.

I don’t really know how to explain it but when I woke up it felt like I was ripping a page out of a book. I opened my eyes and could tell I was in my real room. My body was in the position it was right before I noticed the blinds moving.

Dream 2
I was with my ex-girlfriend at my house. I was holding on to her, tight. I guess it’s the vision of my subconscious clinging to loving her. I was naked as well. I wasn’t trying to fuck her or anything, I just didn’t want her to go. I was vulnerable. I could hear my parents in the background, “what is she doing here?” I guess that kind of broke the spell, I put on my clothes and I got distracted. My dad had set up a television in the room we were in and that’s where my attention was directed to.

It was a big screen TV but not the plasma screen or even the big screen we used to have. It was an old television set just magnified to a 42 inch size. It was playing some skiing event playing on it as I examined it. It was on top of all this technology, dvd players, stereo receivers, VCRs, Laser Disc, you name it.
The whole reason for this dream was my helplessness. My ex-girlfriend is just an example of how I am vulnerable. The nakedness just increases that notion. When I avoided her it is because I tried to break away from my weakness. But that interaction was not complete and that means she’s lingering through my mind, consciously and unconsciously.

The TV is another example of weakness but more of a juvenile defenselessness. When I was younger my family and I would always visit my grandparents on the weekend. This is because my grandmother was dying and this was how my family wanted to spend her last moments. In my child innocence I did not want to be there. I had no idea what was going on and because of that boredom just set in. Television was the only thing that i could use to escape reality. This is where Hercules and Xena became my friends. This is where televised sports competitions became my companions. I was willingly trapped by TV.

The significance of the technology is that I don’t know how to work everything out.
Dream 1 and 2 were both examples of me not being to control what is going on in life. They were both executed differently by my mind to illustrate my predicament. The world is telling me to take my life into my own hands. I did that with my first dream, I ripped myself out of fiction and brought myself to the real world. The second dream didn’t end though instead I sent my mind to another place, that’s where dream 3 comes in.

There was a short interlude I was following my friend somewhere. I think he may have been taking me to a frat but Kevin was going so fast that I lost him. Perhaps another instance of solitary feelings but then I found my way.

Dream 3
I can say I’ve been to heaven once. Sure it was a dream but it felt so warm and even though I didn’t know exactly where I was, I wasn’t lost. It was like I had been there before.

Heaven was like a museum, library or a book store. I can’t define it exactly because if I did it wouldn’t be heaven really. But my heaven was like that, I know I only explored a fraction of it but from what I saw it was amazing.

I entered and the architecture reminded me of a museum. They had a large central room that branched out into several areas and directions. It was massive but St. Peter welcomed me along with my friends. I guess I was on a field trip to heaven. I split away from the group to explore on my own.

The souls lived in dormitories and I guess likeminded people live near each other (I visited the philosophers and theorists). The dormitories were all connected if you looked at the floor plan itd probably look like a labyrinth. The rooms were where it was like a library. In their (the angels or souls) rooms was a single bed. Surrounding the beds were stacks of books and shelves of books. Each room had labels on the top of their doors. I assumed that’s who the rooms belonged to. But even though it was crowded, it was comfy.

I met one soul, she did not want to be defined by labels. Her room said she was”Kiss, Kiss” but she gave me a word that described what she did and left it to my interpretation. I wanted to continue on in the maze but I didn’t want to get lost so I left the way I came.

When your dreams break into segments your mind is able to figure out whether the segment belongs to the previous thought or if the segment is a completely new thought. So when I found myself in a place that looked like a barnes and noble I knew I was still in heaven.

Why would there be a bookstore in heaven? My theory is that when you get into heaven you aren’t instantly granted the knowledge of the world. You have the same amount of knowledge as you had when you died. But then you have an eternity to learn whatever you want. That’s what this bookstore is for and that is why all the beds are surrounded by books. Its where people learn. Heaven is where you gain access to all knowledge but you have to be willing to learn. Everything was at your fingertips. My friend Jordan who came to visit heaven with me was in this place. I talked to her and we went back to earth.

I only visited part of heaven but it was the part that I wanted to see, the part that I needed to know existed. Heaven is such a large and grandiose place just to experience for a little is enough to change my life.

I think we create our own afterlife right before we die. It’s an extended dream. Whatever is in our consciousness or understanding of what the afterlife is becomes the heaven or hell we’d experience.